someone get that fucking seahorse.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
