whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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