Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
