she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
