Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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