its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
