i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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