You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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