he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
