She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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