I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hippo gnu deer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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