I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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