we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
