i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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