i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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