Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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