If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
