I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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