Apparently you make a good broom.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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