I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
