I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he fucked my hip out of place.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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