theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
