Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
