Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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