when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
