just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smell like Dick and happiness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
