A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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