; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
