ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
