why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
