Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
