David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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