I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
did i walk over a car last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
