I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
