Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
