new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
