Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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