Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
