he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
