I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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