i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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