take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My feet surprised me
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