I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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