If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
