Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
These tits shall not be calmed
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
