it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
