When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're making bets on your personal life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
