fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
