I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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