You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
