He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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