i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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