walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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