So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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